Do you secretly hate yourself?

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My sister has to take her to a special hospital every two months for a check-up. Speaking of which, I would encourage you to , preferably one who can address the psychodynamics of such pernicious abuse. This understanding of ourselves as already being beautiful, every single moment of your life, is really important for all of us.

I know your location right now may be a dream place for you to live. You can clean yourself up and become a productive member of society! My kid deserves a mom is is not alays overwhelmed and irritable. I wish to get married to the guy i loved with my parents acceptance.

I hate myself for being fat and ugly. What can I do? (Depression Help)

But where do these feelings come from. And how can we push past them to live a life free of the harsh attitudes of our inner critic. The Critical Inner Voice and Self-Hatred In their research, psychologists Dr. Even people who seem well-adjusted and well-liked in their social circles have deep-seated feelings of being an outcast or a fraud. This feeling about ourselves is common because every person is divided. There must be something wrong with him. How could you mess up on your diet again. For many of us, this thought process is so engrained that we hardly notice when it arises. Instead of recognizing this voice as the destructive enemy that it is, we mistake it for our real point of view, and we believe what it tells us about ourselves. Where then, do thoughts like these come from. Robert and Lisa Firestone have found in their research is that these thoughts originate in negative early life experiences. The way we are viewed growing up and the attitudes directed toward us shape how we see ourselves. Harmful views directed at us by parents or other influential caretakers are internalized to make up our self-image. The point here is not to blame parents. Parents face a difficult struggle when they have children, as painful feelings arise from their own past. They may therefore react inappropriately or critically toward their children in moments of stress. Moreover, the critical feelings parents have toward themselves often come across to their children and are then internalized by the child. For example, if we had a parent who often acted like we were a nuisance, constantly quieting us or even just feeling tense in our presence, we may take on a feeling about ourselves that we are a bother. We may become overly shy or apologetic in our adult lives, quieting ourselves in our careers or taking a submissive position in our relationships. We may adapt to it by treating it like a coach and listening to its destructive advice. When it repeatedly tells us we are worthless, we may choose friends and partners who treat us as if we are worthless. When we listen to our inner critic, we give it power over our lives. We may even start to project these critical thoughts onto others. We run the risk of starting to perceive the world through its negative filter. This is where paranoid and suspicious thoughts enter the picture, as we start to question or criticize people who see us differently from how our voice sees us. For example, we may struggle with positive acknowledgment or feedback, as it contradicts the ways we perceive ourselves. We may have trouble accepting love, as we fail to challenge our inner critic. While this voice is painful, it is also familiar. Overcoming our critical inner voice is the first step in a process of differentiation described by Dr. Robert and Lisa Firestone in their book. The process involves developing insight into the sources of these critical thoughts, then answering back to these attacks with a more compassionate and realistic point of view toward yourself. The next step is to challenge the destructive behaviors that the critical inner voice encourages you to engage in. The second step of differentiation involves challenging negative traits in yourself that are imitative of your parents or other important figures in your development. If you had a bossy or demanding father, for example, you should try to challenge ways that you yourself are controlling in your life. The third step of differentiation involves giving up the patterns of defense you formed as adaptations to the pain you experienced in your childhood. We may have formed these defenses as a form of protection as children, but these thoughts and behaviors can hurt us in our adult lives. For example, if you felt intruded on as a kid, you may have grown up seeking isolation or keeping to yourself for fear that you will be intruded on by others. You may thus avoid close relationships or harbor. When we hold on to destructive adaptations from our past, we tend to suffer from lower self-esteem. We may struggle to feel like our true selves when our actions are so heavily influenced by our history. Thus, the final step of differentiation involves figuring out your own beliefs, values and ideals. How do you want to live your life. What are your aspirations for your future. When we separate from our inner critic, we are far better able to get to know our real selves and to lead our lives with integrity. We can take actions and steps that reflect our wants and desires, which gives our lives unique meaning. As we pursue this goal of becoming our true selves, we may experience an increase in anxiety or an influx of critical inner voices. However, if we persist in challenging this internal enemy, it will become weaker and we can free ourselves further from feelings of self-hatred and start to live a more fulfilling existence. Sheena I feel like this is what I am going through now. A few years ago my brother died from substance abuse. There were a lot of things my brother never worked through which perpetuated his addiction and caused his death. I felt a weigh me removed from the shoulders when he died. But I realize I need to work on unresolved issues I had not lets be real have not let go of. When he died I lost 98lbs and I gained 24lbs back. I know I have sabotages myself but I could not figure out what it was. Also I noticed I have a hard time letting people get close to me. I figure why because they do not care about me and they are just going to let me down by leaving. I have to realize that I can not change over night and I have a the capability to change. I am not worthless or hopeless. I can not believe that any doctor would allow a parent to give weight loss surgery to their child. Do not let your mom do what my mom did to me… Leave you feeling worthless and unloveable. It is commendable you are seeking help for this, and nipping this bad habit of self depreciating inner voice to become a lasting habit. I told my partner that I want to go to foreign lets go and settle there. Its the only dream i ever had and he is not allowing me to fulfill my dreams which is making me more depressed,its effecting out relationship also,i am not happy right now. He should at least give out as if you were to go it would be over. I just find more ways to convince you bf how seriously and desperately you want to go. I tried to live a good life, tried to make my parents happy, but they always have problems with me…There was a time when i started thinking that there is something wrong with me and I need to change myself…but after analysing things i realised that m not making mistake first but they make me do so. One day my mom was not at home and I did ol the home work. Everyone from my college and school says that i m really good but then why my home life is so bad. I jst want peace in my life, sometimes I think that I should run away from here. My dad and my brother also make pressure on me…. My home life is not good but was living a perfect college life. I had a crush on my school friend and my luck was so good that he used to met me everyday on station, I was topper of my college …except my home life my life was just perfect but then my best friend started feeling anxious and c betrayed me. I started my life again with new friends but my new friend also betrayed me. Now I am feeling alone and this family problem is making me negative. My every try to make my life good are waste. I have suffered my entire life from a father that never noticed the good and only focused on the bad in my life- sometimes even inventing negative things just to bring me down. My mother became a ghost of who she had been and my siblings would team up against me and often times leave me stranded in situations where I would have been there for them. I am the oldest sibling and have always tried my hardest to be kind and caring, to be a great brother and son, but no matter what I did, I let my family down. I often feel alone, and I know how easy it is to let negativity influence our own day to day walk. It hurts when the supportive structure that your family should have been crumbles and any achievement you make never seems good enough. Or even seems like it will last or be significant. But, reading your story, and knowing I am not alone in the pain and the sorrow brings hope. We are surrounded by people who care about us, the world is not all bad. I read your story though, and I am sorry. You have my prayers and my thoughts. There was also this guy I Had a crush on in sixth grade before I went to high school, he was funny and cute and he gave little signs of him liking me back but there was also another girl he liked and he gave more attention because hey what guy or guys would have a crush on a fat girl like me. Every night I would feel moody and cry myself to sleep because I feel like I want to die. Because being me sucks a lot and no matter if I was thin or skinny I would still feel the same way because my family gives me loads of pressure. But reading article taught me something and I would try to fight through it and continue my education so I can get a good job, better shape and size and stop worry about people. I am also a 13 year old girl though you are at this time 16 but I just want to let you know that you are not alone in this. I personally know that I am not medically overweight, but I do understand how it feels to dislike yourself. The sad truth about the world is that we are constantly saying to do certain things, yet no one actually follows them. Everyone knows that judgement based on appearance is incorrect in general, however everyone does it. And by the way, starving yourself is not the answer. This is especially harmful because your heart is a muscle, putting you at risk for heart attacks and other conditions. Other medical conditions can cause this, not just overeating. Sometimes it is hard to feel like there are other people out there who are suffering to the extent you are, but trust me, you are not the only one. I personally struggle with insecurities about my worth, simply because of who I am. My only strengths seem to be my mind and my heart. Anuhea Aloha im anuhea and i am such a confused person. There is points in my life where i am like why try and that has actually been my way of thinking for the past 6 years. I have never been able to see anything positive about myself, i was never able to get close to anyone… not even friends, i truly believed tht im stupid for living and i keep messing up on anything in life. For some reason i always look at the negative side of things. N i hate it because i see myself bringing down other people and it hurts me to see that im hurting other people, i never thought anyone would care bout what i had to say. N its funny bc that was probably the only time they heard what i had to say. Im done with filling my head with negative thoughts, im done thinking im not good enough for anything. Ill just keep on thinking positive as well as challenging my inner critic. I know you have so, so, soooooo much to give. Keep going on your journey, and love yourself as best you can. You deserve to be loved by you. I promise, the more you can love yourself, the better you can love others and the better your relationships will be overall. I do what I love for a living -my life is a dream come true. Every thought, every decision, every interaction is an anxiety attack. When I eat I make bad decisions and this is the part the contributes to my self destructive tendencies. But its my self image that struggles. When my two selves debate, the inner what should i do if i hate myself is a louder voice because now I figure it echoes the many opinions that were inflicted on me in the past. So every negative opinion aired about my outfit or my weight or whatever was very much taken to heart. It was pressure on my parents too. The meanest thing my mom said to me was that the only thing beautiful on me at the time was my hair. She sees me look at myself and sigh. Overcoming the critical inner voice is not always easy, especially because the inner critic possesses all the intelligence we do hence, the great debate. The book offers a step-by-step program to counter negative thoughts and overcome the inner critic. You might also find this article to be helpful:. How about each team arguing against having to pick you at all. Not picked last, but instead not picked at all. I came from a loving family, but I felt completely alone facing the bullies in P. Like you said, from a logical standpoint there is no reason to let things that happened 30+ years ago impact my life now, but those negative experiences are deeply ingrained. Best of luck to you in working through it. FemaleFootballHater Every little bit of your story is near identical to mine. For me the abuse was not restricted to gym class; I was avoided by my classmates in all situations. In the breaks I would try to stay inside, maybe even hide to avoid having to hang around in the court yard, where everyone could see that I was alone. The teachers noticed this, and were concerned. In collaboration with my parents they tried to get me some therapy, so that I would become more like the others more likable. That never happened, but I think it led to a feeling of shame that I never quite let go off. Luckily, after graduation, I never saw the worst of the bullies ever again. I was later informed that some of them became heroin addicts, which now just fills me with a deep sadness of a system that let down the most troubled of the children. I started high school and meeting a bunch of new kids, unaware of my past, helped me a great deal. For some time I thought I had put the abusive years behind me, but as of lately I have become more aware of the insecurities that were created during that time. My experiences have left me with a deep feeling of shame for my own existence, and I find myself nearly paranoid in some settings, wishing I was invisible. Hearing others stories that are similar to mine is reassuring, as we need to build a collective understanding of the fact that we are not guilty of our own self-loathing. I hope it does so for you and for others with a similar history. I was always alone and left out in school and none of the teachers or my parents seemed to care. I thought that when I left school things would be different and I would get rid of all those insecurities but they only seem to get worse. Something for me to think about. Ben Hey champ — My story is very similar to yours. I have worked through more in twelve months than I have in thirty years following the divine truth teachings. It is good you have reached out and good for you to know help is available and things do change. Your feelings are not permanent. What should i do if i hate myself you are interested in learning more about overcoming your inner critic, what should i do if i hate myself may like to read this article on. PsychAlive is not a counseling site, but we can offer resources where you can get assistance 24 hours per day. If you live in another country, you can email and visit for help. Do not do anything to hurt yourself and remain safe. April Everyone, This is an article of hope. Go to these sources, and the above-recommended book as inspirations and guides when a real bad time strikes. We all have the up and downs that come with our self-hate; mine is deeply intertwined with depression. But I can see that there are rays of hope shining through the dark abyss that I thought I was in. Hope and faith will see you through. I hate myself because I am who I am and I so badly wish I could leave this body for a new one, a new brain, a new personality. So far its taken my 20 minutes to type this. A lot of these negative feelings are, like the artical said, stirred from past experiences. Partly, I brought it on myself because I was highly immature. I would blurt out anything with no filter. I was called out on my hygiene, for liking pokemon and anime, and everything inbetween. I had friends, and very greatful I did… I realize I am ranting incoherently at this point so I will conclude that my inner critic is not some malevolent voice what should i do if i hate myself me ripping the potential to be a beautiful social butterfly. No positive thinking exorcises or yoga will change that. Truthfully you sound so much like my brother whom I love with all my heart. I am not one to talk about feelings of worthiness since I am here for the same reason as you. However, I can tell you this: you can be beautiful, smart, quick-witted and popular and still feel like you are nothing more than trash. I would bet any amount of money you are smarter than you think you are. Your post made me feel better though because you remind me of someone important to me. You are smarter than you know, I guarantee it. Adreinne I literally hate everything about myself. Im thin, but i hate my body because theres nothing good about it. Im not content with my work life, school is taking a toll on me, an all my friends are away at school so i feel alone. In all honestly i dont think theres anything positive about myself, i dont see why anyone would be attracted to me, or be interested in getting to know me. There are a lot of people speaking about this, like Marianne Williamson, like Deepak Chopra, Anita Moorjani and etc. This understanding of ourselves as already being beautiful, every single moment of your life, is really important for all of us. You are beautiful and amazing person. You actually know that, right. Even my brother and all those dear people feel the same way, they just wanted to change something so it would be better. Yet, either with messy hair or with coolest hairstyle, I am beautiful. No matter how much I achieve its not enough to feel lovable. Last year my cousin died young, she struggled with weight issues, self hatred, self destructive, drug addiction. I went away from this experience and processed it more and realized that this applies to me as well and every other person in the world. I tend to forget this experience and slip back to my old thinking patterns of not lovable, self hatred, self criticism. Their not friends, just peers and I really hate it. And No problemo for da faves~. Kuudere is different from tsundere because tsundere are not emotionless and express their feelings in a more loud,anger-like way. But kuuderes are just quiet and emotionless. I was inside a 7th period and I wanted to quit. I told my parents about it but they kept on bugging me and such…once they agreed, I talked to the teacher and he said that i needed a parent signature. My mind was blank when my mom asked me if I canceled the class yet and so I answered yes when I needed her signature. I had an F- and too many absences to count. My teacher said that we were going on a field trip and that we were going to do some fundraisers to raise money. We had those 60 chocolate chocolate boxes and I only sold 30 when the deadline was due. It would be a waste to throw it away so I kept the box from the room and I gathered up some money and used that instead. A lot of things like these kept on happening this year and I broke. Every time I even thought about my seventh period or my moms face when she saw the chocolates, I broke down right there. And I still hate myself for it. I think that humans are a disgusting species. They lie, hate, and bully so easily, without what should i do if i hate myself thought. But I have mixed feelings on this subject. Just like the article said, we each have two sides, fighting for control over out body. To be with all of these beautiful, pure creatures. I start tearing up when I try to put the pieces together. And I think that no creature deserves to be. I hate hate hate to lie but i lie. The situations and circumstances turn up in a way that i had to lie and this makes me feel so bad. People around me consider me attractiveintelligentsmartfashionista. They take my advices and really talk highly about me but none of them take me as a friend. Usually i read comments and never posted but your above comment made me reply. Mama You sweet girl; You are about 12 or 13 I believe from your tone. Now is the hardest time to be a young teen with the way the world is. As far as the lies you told once you come clean to your parents you will feel a lot better. Everyone makes mistakes; that is what those were. You only really need one or two people as friends that you can be yourself, be comfortable around. Find someone you enjoy being around and just be their friend. Iris Hey, I have been this way for a long time now. But really, I have a lot to say. I sit in the hallways during lunch when everyone else is talking to their friends. I hear people say pretty mean things about me too. I tell people that I have lots of friends. I tell people that I love being alone. It feels like I just want to go up to someone, anyone, and talk. I truthfully hate the person that I have become. One of the things that I hate about school is when they pick groups. And if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to send me an email. ChonChon Hey, Pushin Im with you, even if im adult, i still scare of my parents. Anyway i choose to keep quiet instead of lie… The first time i got F from bad behaviour, i didnot try to fix it, i didnot know how to fix it, i scared to reach out to parents, i ran away from teacher when she tried to let me fix it, i felt ashame of myself and scare of how the teacher will look at me or think of me…and time passed until last summer of graduating year. I almost not graduated because of this subject. I cannot remember how it happened but lastly my father and i went to meet teacher together. They could remember only that they need to go to meet teacher and i almost not graduated but they cannot remember what i did wrong or even care anymroe about what i did and it just doesnot matter anymore. Well, time passed, my parents forgive and forgot and i think your parents will be the same, they are too busy working. Those bad grades or bad behaviors are not matter anymore. So, i suggest you to do like this when u face some trouble. Please thinking of urself in future, maybe next week, next month, next year,next 10 year… how this trouble will affect ur life in those time, if u lie to ur parents make u hurt now, how it will affect u in next 10 years and how it will affect them. Did u try to says sorry to her yet. We had difference hobby but same way of thinking, i suppose. I totally envy young Thai nowaday that people have more openmind about manga, animation and games. Easier to find friends with same interest. If you are not happy with this group, try to join another one until you find one. Lastly, I love Kuudere and i consider that i am one, too. O So, try to love yourself and forgive yourself before you will lose 15 years like me. I just try to practise to not hate myself now, too. Everybody says to me that I am good natued and I cook good and I am a good student but i dont see it because I hate my self……. The thing is that I think that if anybody is going to marry me he is not going to be happy because of my appearence……. I see a very dark and sad Life ahead of me………………May be its because I am very materialistic and i dont see good in people Idont know………………Please someone help me……………Sometimes I wonder why didn;t God make me like those perfect bimbos I wish I was Perfect and not self loathing and depressed for eating all the time…………. No one bothers to tell us that there are far worse things in the world than being fat. Yet the burden of changing our bodies for the sake of appealing to men falls heavily on us women. Here fat women are regarded as beautiful. I realize now that whether I lose weight or what should i do if i hate myself, I wills still live a happy life. This is a revolutionary thought. I am going through a hard time in my life…I wanted to become a doctor…. But from the very beginning i hated studies…. I had an internal hidden stress may be due to studies…. After completing my 12 class i dropped a year for competitive exam to get seat in medical college…. I am in relationship where my bf dominates me and never puts any effort into it…i wanna leave him bt he was my serious crush from childhood and now i got him after 7 years…. People are there, and they are waiting to meet you. If you feel fat or lazy or fat and lazy go do somthing about it. If you want to change your lifeStart today, tomorrow is not a day of the week. My heart has been super glued and duct taped and shattered over and over- but i am going to put it back to gether a keep on doing. All you beautiful people are awsome and I love you all the same. Move your feet if you dont like what you see, and your veiw will change. I have friends but I have trouble trusting them, I rather keep problems my to myself. So every night I cry and compare myself to a garbage, actually I feel like a garbage and I also wish that I was never born. Al Hi Anne… First of all, what a brave and courageous girl you are. Your feelings are entirely valid. But you have to know just how meaningful you are to this world. The past exists nowhere but in your mind. You are more than capable of forgiving your parents and loving yourself. Trust me, you are positively radiant. If you can, tell it to yourself every single day, without fail. You are worthy and beautiful and special and unique — and you were born for a reason. Fulfill it whatever way your heart tells you. Love with as much of yourself as possible. Love people, your parents, everyone you walk past. Just feel your heart radiate as you go by. You can just sit or lie down, and then focus on your breathing. Feel what it feels like to simply breathe and be alive. So much love from my heart to yours. J Anne, Accepting the past is difficult. There are many events in my life that I cannot explain why they happened. The truth that Jesus Christ did what he did and that the creator of all loves me no matter what, gives me peace and hope. We are eternal beings, here on earth for a short time. Soon, our tears will be wiped away forever. Now is the time to make a difference for others. We should love our neighbors like ourselves. So, we should love ourselves, so we can love our neighbor. I feel the hurt in you and I love you, my neighbor. Helena Green Recently, i have been feeling so extremely low. From the ages of 11 to 22 roughly. I was bullied all through school told i was worthless, ugly, scary, weird, smelly, you name it i was called it. Was always picked last for sports, tall, awkward, tried to hide my perceived ugliness in make up and often wore too much, which made the bullies pick on me even more they used to even hit me and pull my hair while calling me names like ugly witch…Once I left school I then got into a violent relationship with a guy 12 years older than me. He hit me and called me all the names under the sun including the familiar ugly and stupid. Married at age 22 to another guy he is 10 years older. Still together but he is heartless and unloving sometimes. I love her more then anything and she gives me reason to carry on. However she too, is now being bullied, by the children of the monsters that picked on me back in my high school days. Just yesterday they all picked on her, calling her ugly, fat, stupid, tramp, all the names I used to be called. It hurt me incredibly and it made me ill all day today. Seeing my beautiful baby go through what I did makes me feel so horrible inside. I tell her how lovely she is and how she is worthy of so much love and respect…but I feel it will impact her life as it has mine. Al Oh love, hearing your story makes my heart ache. I know that just like you, your daughter is sooooooo beautiful, too. Keep loving her and showing her what it means to love — including how to love herself. That is the greatest defense we can cultivate and share with one another. Because if you have love, you have everything. I know how terrible the world can be… It can hurt you so badly. Never let anyone or anything stop you from loving with all your heart. You, sitting right there, are absolutely gorgeous. I played varsity soccer and I was bench most of season and that brought my self esteem even lower. Everyday at school is like a raging war of anxiety attacks. This and alot of unmentioned reasons are why I hate myself. I disapline myself for popping pimples by locking myself in my room. Thanks to anyone who cared to listen. I will try to live a peaceful life. Cassie Hi everyone, I too hate myself for a lot of things. Like one time a friend arranged that i got to their house, and her mum made food as well, but last minute i backed out. Al You are not horrible at all. But trust me, we are our own worst enemies and critics. We can judge ourselves for the tiniest things that no one else even notices or cares about. You are absolutely beautiful and wonderful the way you are… truly… You say that you hate yourself because you lack organisation, commitment, and courtesy. But in truth, those are things you can work on and improve at. One thing you can practice is doing lots of nice, altruistic things for other people. Your family, strangers, a teacher. Buying a coffee for the person behind you in line at Starbucks counts. Take all the things you wish someone would do for you and do them for others. Sometimes it takes a little getting beyond ourselves and our little worlds we create in order to feel connected and loved and meaningful. I have a great life, I have parents who love me more than they love theirselves, I have my smart sister who almost always knows every answers of my questions and always supports me in everything I do, I hv the best friends I could ever have in this world. I have the perfect life anyone can have in my age, yet at the same time, I often feel that I hate myself. Every little mistakes that I made only make me hate myself more. I knew u would never work it out well. I never told my parents abt this because I dont want them to worry. Thank you so muh for this article, it really opens my eyes to see that I dont need to damn myself and have negative thoughts abt myself for every little mistaks or imperfection that I make. I was a topper all through my life but still I feel empty. My father is n abusive husband he has aIways dominated me n my mom. My dad has controlled my life entirely. I was never allowed to go out or even talk to my guy cousins or make male friends. I was not allowed to even look at boys directly. I never made friends n dun believe in friendship cz everybody has hated my guts I was v pretty n intelligent n won every competition of drawing studies painting or beauty etc. Which was y everyone hated me as I was perfect. Both of them dominated me again. They dun allow me to make friends, extremely possessive n jealous. Despite being perfect m feeling d same as above people. I have tried to commit suicide twice. I dunno what I wanna do in my life. Whatever career m pursuing its cz of d burden of being perfect. I always feel out of place n lonely. I think I m different n awkward. I think like a loser always as I never take compliments seriously though I hv been always getting them cz I think I dun deserve them. My bf whom I m supposed to get married to next year is a party animal n outgoing. I on d other hand m n introvert n very emotional. I dun drink or smoke hv always followed every god damn rule in my life. Everybody thinks I m boring n belong to 19 the century. I recently failed in d toughest exam of my country. M completely destroyed n I need help. Cannot go to a doctor cz I dun hv money. Jozlyn Hi, I have struggled with self worth for 31 years. Maybe I tried to compensate and never was completely healed and why I so easily fell back to these feelings. Thea Wow… Honestly I found the comments rather depressing. I mean if they have nothing else to live for than putting other people down, then they are stuck, while we have a chance to fly. I mean I hated myself for a long time, for being different, but u know what. These people that focus on putting others down will get nowhere in life, and secretly they know it. It s people like us, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos that will run this country, and have done so before. I know that expressing yourself this way, venting as is, is overall good for you to get it of your chest, and help you let go of things. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your life is you. Anonymous Hey, i rather not mention my name. I have experienced bullying from age 5-14. Everyday these voices of the bullies haunt me day after day. One day i finally found the perfect guy, i know it may sound strange coming from a 17 year old girl. I was myself around himfor once i felt like myself like i was free. So i ended up pushing him away. Today after reading this little article i realized i have to try to get the real me out, to try to get him back, and to leave the negative me behind. It what should i do if i hate myself be a struggle to do but thanks to you i believe it can be done. The only thing that brings me back to life and helps me feel relaxed with people is alcohol. I feel content with alcohol and I can have a laugh and connect with people — no problems. My parents have never shown much love, mainly disapline and money orientated. If my parents brought me up the way they did and this is what I am because of it, then I guess this is what I have to man up and face. Vinisha I have to admit this article has got me thinking that maybe I am not the only one with that destructive inner voice problem. Thanks for putting that worry out of my mind. Besides the article, the comments have helped me immensely to realise that it is okay to have these problems in the first place as long as you fight it and not drown in despair. They refused to acknowledge the problems I had with myself brushing it aside as attention seeking behavior. As a result I had stopped confiding in my mom who used to be my bestie as I used to and kept of my problems to my self. But in reality this only seemed to be fodder to the inner critic and the self loathing escalated. This kept me from making friends as well in fear of being perceived as damaged. But finally I am in a place where I no longer withhold my problems if I have any. I open up to my best friends thankfully I have made three even if I still have difficulties with my parents. Kay Hi, I am saddened to learn so many of you are self loathing out there. I am 31 years old, have a job, an apartment and a wonderful fiance. I happen to be pretty and thin and what should i do if i hate myself people accept me at this point. I too have been bullied through out elementary and middle school. Those experiences resulted in extreme social anxiety. I used to base my self worth on my appearance and sometimes still do at times, but have learned my low self esteem has absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. My self esteem is attributed to many experiences of ridicule and childhood bullying. I was raised by loving parents, but both of them suffered with addictions. Now, as an adult I know we should not look to external factors to dictate our self esteem and self worth. I still, to this day suffer with social anxiety and what people think of me and how they perceive me etc. In looking into my issues, it is not them who I am concerned with though. I am the one who is judging and critizing myself when I am out with friends or social settings. They are not judging me the way I think they do. I am trying to avoid my own self critic, and therefore tend to choose to opt out of social events. The worst part about doing that is that I then feel super guilty and mad at myself for not being normal enough to just go out and have fun. I then self loathe as a result of opting out as well. It seems you cant win when you try to prevent these feelings. My poor fiance has suffered through many of my social anxiety and panic attacks. If he tells me we are going to his parents for dinner, I tend to have a meltdown pretty fast. Even if we are going out with friends, I have to punish and berate myself and hate myself for a good few hours before I go out. If you realize you are afraid of yourself and do not trust yourself enough to enjoy life then please do seek help. Your life was not meant to live in fear and self hate. Each day take steps to do the things that make you happy. The only person that can change how you feel is you. So work on convincing yourself you are worthy. Ultimately your opinion is the one that matters. Do not look to others to build you up. They will never be able to heal your wounds. Praying for all of you to feel worthy some day. Kay Hi again… I would just like to add that all of you possess a commendable quality. The ability to be vulnerable and share your stories with strangers shows a tremendous amount of courage and bravery. Most people hide their insecurities and pretend to be okay. You all were all brave enough to share your stories and will now be helping many people because you chose to speak up about having low self esteem. I have trouble making friends and being friends with people. Before I made friends and lost almost every single one of them save for one and now I honestly cannot seem to make any friends at all. I have this deep rooted fear of other people hating me and this has strangely been true in all past relationships. So I guess I maintain my distance from anyone, am polite but also cold and am mean to people who try to get close to me in any way. I hate feeling stupid and inadequate and I feel that I am way dumber or mentally underdeveloped than other people my age. In public, it is so difficult for me now to interact with people, sometimes to even form coherent sentences. I also have a habit of comparing myself to every single person around and overanalysing every single detail. I go over the most trivial thing over and over again in my head with extremely negative, pessimistic thoughts. So everything, especially the way I present myself to other people, including family members, makes me hate myself to the core. Billy This all makes perfect sense to me. I have suffered from intense feelings of not being good enough my entire life. I dont seem to be aware of the thoughts though so i find it difficult to dispute them etc. They are very self sabotaging thoughts. They allow me stay stuck where I am and not try for success of any kind. Kind of like a battered dog that no longer will move for fear of being hit. I want to change this pattern and rid myself of these thoughts but not sure how. But i knew it was merely my luck; especially in the latter and what should i do if i hate myself felt completely useless. I cant have myself sit and study for some reason. I vile my time looking for solurions for this confusion i feel in life. Then i feel extremely guilty about it. I know id make an amazing doctor- its my passion. If someone can help me — it will be great — any advice is welcome …. Im glad it deters from blaming my parents. Im not sure where, or when this started in my life. I know im tired of feeling like a dweeb. Im very sick of my inner voice calling me horrible names. Then when i do get my wish and have many friends, my inner voice tells me what great people my friends are for allowing me to hang out with them. That they feel sorry enough for me to let me be part of their group. I am 53 years old and extremely shy. I still feel unworthy of their friendship. I even heard myself tell my friends and aquaintences that i didnt and dont expect good treatment. That its ok to be mean or rude to me. I know its wrong now, and i want to be happy. Leah Im 19 and I have always struggled with my appearance. In my eyes I am disgusting, overweight, undeveloped mis matching breasts, spotty, out of proportion and I know its true. I recently found the cause of many of these issues was because of polycystic ovary syndrome. I look at other girls my age with their beautiful faces and bodies and I feel sick when I look at myself. I grew up knowing I would never have a boyfriend but I do. I have started doubting my relationship he is so outgoing and confident im the complete opposite I feel i hold him back. I wonder why hes with me and if he is just waiting for someone better to come along. I have noone my doctors treat me like a hypochondriac because I am an anxious person and I do visit too much but ive stopped that now. My family just think im being silly but What should i do if i hate myself cant even call a support number Im never alone or talk to a professional as I think they will just think im a psycho. Just down in the dumps and that is why i googled this and it does make a lot of sense. I just wish I could get over it alreadyl. I am a 20 year old male with no friends or social life. I know it sounds ambiguous but i have dealt with this since i have enough reason, and I acknowledge that im not straight, but im also not gay. Society expects black and white, and i feel like im not. Im depressed more than i am happy. My therapist said, that because i was sexually abused twice as a child by two different men on different occasions, that i have made a connection with pleasure and the male sex organ. It was wrong i know, but i have hope. Douglas This has been a salvation to find. It gives me peace to know that there is hope for someone as broken as me. I have had strong feelings of self doubt from a very young age. My dad is a very irratable person and works at home. As a result my brother and I had to be very quiet when we were little or he would blow up. When I was around 10 I was kind of chubby and my what should i do if i hate myself was always criticizing me for being fat. I remember feeling really bad about that. If my mom called me fat I would go in my room and destroy all of the honor roll awards that I got from school. Now I am 17 and am an alcoholic. I was cutting my arms with a razor before, but now I drink instead. I even drink on the weekdays and feel horrible at school. I have absolutely no communication with my mom, and very little with my dad. I have grown into my body and am not fat at all anymore, but now my mom criticizes me for being a vegan. My dream is to join the army and my siblings or anybody does not know, I have tried to tell people but im fat and my parnents would say no and my siblings would say ur too fat. My dad is on business trip and we all know he still cheats on my mom. That makes me want care from other people. I afraid to believe in people again. The popular kids at my school tend to judge and I feel very intimidated when they r around. I feel like they r criticizing me every second. I feel that I have to do do what everyone else is doing to fit in. I love my best friend, but she one ups me in everything is just a little better my parents want to move which adds even more to my depression. Btw I cried all the way through reading this. I am about 4 stone over weight, which would be about 56 pounds, and my dad never fails to point this out to me. I know to a certain extent this is my fault. But my dads constant criticism is hollowing me out inside. I spend the vast majority of my time in his company sucking up to him in the hope that he will not mention my weight, and begin is tirade of abusive rhetoric. He has on numerous occasions mentioned he is ashamed to have members of his side of the family see me, and he says he hates hugging me because he can feel my fat. I work very hard and I am a cleanly person. All these criticisms are breaking my heart, and leaving me in a constant state of anxiousness. I often wish myself away from family home, and back at my desk in work because it is one of the only places I feel accepted, and even there I am constantly on edge. Does my breath smell, does my skin smell, is this top hugging me too tightly and can everyone see my fat. When I make a remark I instantly feel as if it what should i do if i hate myself a stupid thing to say. When interacting with a set group of people such as colleagues, I am constantly feeling as if I am the disliked one. Nora Hi Mary, I felt very sad reading your comment. You sound like a lovely young woman. If I were you, I would limit the amount of time you spend around your abusive father. His behavior is abuse and it is not acceptable. Is there a way you could move out of your family home or find activities that would keep you out of the house more. Wishing you happy holidays and a happy birthday. I was always happy, lucky, had and have a great family that takes care about me. I hate myself for not being what i want to be, for being too lazy at one time, and not having enough rest at another. I hate myself and i hate others. For no reason i hate, and hate. But how comes i manage to scare people away with my thoughts. In one place i act like all people do, in another i act polite and careful, in third i act angry. Almost all of them love me still. What is wrong, and is something wrong, is there anything i have to do. Not that i would do it, i just wish to know. The unknown eats me from inside, and the worst thing is that nobody can give me a valid answer. There is no truth, we know nothing, and we will never know. All is wrong, all is different, nobody will ever understand a person sitting right next to them. Why do i bother myself hating others. Why do i bother myself with anything at all. I have to keep on going forward, i cant quit. This is not something i must quit. I am completely shattered and needs an expert advice. I prepare well for an examination and is failed. I was sure that i had done well…now i lost all my self confidence. Normally i dont talk much to people about my problems, thinking that they are not interested in listening. Kelly Santiago Oh my, I read some of your what should i do if i hate myself and I just want to cry. It started working after 2 weeks. I wana marry him n he also have same proffession as my father my prob is I dnt wana hurt my parents plus wana marry him I hate my self cuz I em disobeying em wht should I do :' Emily Why do I hate myself so much, I look in the mirror at my self and I am disgusted. I try and exercise and I feel like I am going to break my ankle and my chest starts to hurt I also feel like I am not able to get enough air in my lungs. I constantly feel like punching a wall to hurt myself because I am to much of a wimp to hurt myself. I feel like everyone expects me to make them happy no matter how I feel about it. I use work for an escape from that stressor. The new guy is putting everything in the wrong place and inventory is next month. I want the managers supervisor position but I know that I will never be good enough for that job. I try to exercise to get ride of stress but it hurts so I stop and I just try not to eat and fail. What is the point of trying when there is so many what should i do if i hate myself people better then you. I am so mad all of the time because I feel that I will always be stuck at my husbands parents house. Every penny I make goes to my husband and what he wants. We are stuck here and it sucks, I am trapped here. Everyone here hates each other they are always yelling at each other. I hate my self I want someone to hurt me because I cant do it my self. I cant do anything right someone is always mad at me. I have been snapping at people a lot even when they are actually being nice. I fear I have lost myself and I am never coming back. I hate who I am I am fat and ugly and a horrible person. I feel that I am completely worthless I cant do anything right an I always feel like crap. I am just dragging everyone down. I need someone to talk to me that wont yell at me. Matt I deal with this as a 40 year old man. That feeling is still there though. Those are just rational thoughts though. The thoughts that feel emotionally real are the self-destructive ones, and it is those that are with me through everything, like a barrier I have to push through every day in order to live some semblance of a normal life. Too tall, overweight, not beautifulno talents and not really good at anything. Just feel like I am the perfect example of what not to do. The only thing that I did right was not having children. Somehow i value myself by numbers, my net-worth is always too low. I tried so hard to make something of my life but got nowhere. I spend my roaring twenties in prostitution. I always tried to learn somethingtook bookkeeping classes and moved on to normal office jobs. Greener pastures were found outside of Europe, i got a student visa for a school in a rural area overseeas and married my fantastic husband I am now feeling stuck in the wrong carreeri am always working and not getting anywhere. I am trying to start my own business, but it is a battle, just like keeping my weight down. Looking forward ,dark clouds are on the horizon, with an aging husband he is 22 years older than me a 95 year old mother in law that is having alzheimer, an 85 year old dad with health issues and an 87 year old boss, all needing my care and assistance. Not sure how I am going to get through this and still come out broke. Dad, mil and boss are all very demanding and just feel trapped and out of ideas to make life better. Arianna I think I suffer from this too. I happen to be kind of overweight and this has always been my major problem. My mother is very often pushing on this, she tells me that I should be way slimmer, that other girls are prettier because they are thin. Lately I noticed something weird on my sleep schedule: I feel demotivated and tired more oftern. And here my mother comes again. I am a good student and I study everyday, but lately my focus has decreased. My marks got worse: from 70 — 80 to the lastest ones, 50. Today I had a math test, I gave my paper and then waited for everyone else to get out of class. The teacher was still in, so he talked to me and I got slowly calmer. They even sell smoke to each other. But they, she says, they are the perfect daughters. I have possibilities of having both social anxiety and the Asperger Syndrome. Anil Hi i am anil, I have been through lots of ups and downs in my life. I was bullied during my school days but last 2 years of my school life was amazing as i changed my school. Later i shifted to another city for my college and found it difficult to adjust initially. I have started feeling what if i go to another company Right now i am happily working in a company where everyone acknowledges me where whatever had happened to me in the past happens again. Well it started when I had to choose the biggest yet decision in my whole 19 years of life. It was when I had to choose my university. I originally dreamed of studying overseas, I used to dream of it so much that it was the only thing that I strive to live for. To study locally, and I rejected all those other, much better offers to go overseas. I regretted it after some time. It has come to haunt me again from time to time even after a year had passed. Can you help tell me about my condition. It may seem like a small matter, but it really is slowly killing me from inside. Finally, thanks for reading this rambling thoughts of mine. My mother is a self centered woman who wanted to be loved and need attention all the time. Everyday I hear her nagging all what should i do if i hate myself time, about how her body is not well, ask my father to massage her, about how much house work she should do everyday, and the worst is when she asked me why i am always looked sad when i am around her. And i am being the same as her. I always nag to my boyfriend, want him to be always beside me, always complain Just like my mother. I cannot be happy around her, because i feel like seeing the copy of me. I want my boyfriend to have a good wive, i have a thought about breakup with him, he deserve better. Maybe i will just fine and not married. Amber I genuinely believe the only good thing about myself are my looks. It sounds vain but my personality is so screwed up I had to find one thing about myself to even remotely like. Which is funny because 99% of the bullying directed towards me was due to my appearance. During our first winter A-level results I messaged him sending the same message twice because I forgot I;d sent anything first his reply was so delayed. I snapped back but all I wanted to do was apologise the guilt was crushing me. He made me try to find him for what should i do if i hate myself minutes then when I did completely blew me off in front of all my friends. I only had 5 minute before the coach left and it was as the coach was leaving he decided he was interested in my existence. Once again I just blamed myself and it took me a long time to accept any of it was his but when I did I heaped all the blame on him. I would frequently devalue myself and I found socialising with people I barely knew like navigating a mine field. The easiest solution was to lock new people out. Just before I went off to uni I summoned up my courage and told my friend I liked him. I got rejected because I was leaving. I came back home for a couple of days and he first response was we should hook up. Knowing full well I still have feelings for him. Heyree I feel like this all the time. I make so many mistakes and I hate myself for them. I get called out for things I know are wrong and I snap and call their faults out too and I hate it. But I found the worst things that leave my mouth are almost always the worst ways I feel about myself. I criticise others for the things I hate in myself or when I hate myself. And I hate myself some more for doing so. Being a mother now and dragging my daughters through the same shit my parents made me go through I feel so ashamed and unworthy of any admiration. And there are things I like about myself. But this constant feeling of never being good enough, I wish it would dissappear. I want to be the mother others are. And meeting the emotional needs of their children. I want to be the parent I wish I had. God how I wish I could heal myself and forgive. But I understand those who do. Cause at the same time I hate everyone for not standing up for me when things went wrong when I was younger. The only thing I feel I do right is aknowledgeing to my kids that I am wrong. But I know it wont heal all there wounds. I love them so much I just hope I can teach tgem to love themselfse. Grant Stromberg I feel this very much. Overbearing, truly cruel stepfather and a neglectful biological Father did not help matters. Mostly, I feel grossly inferior to almost everyone around me. Why am I feeling this way is all that I could think. Hating myself and feeling as though I am deficient innately is a hell that I would not wish upon anyone. I feel that my wounds are so deeply seeded inside of me that I couldnt even find them to try and eradicate them from damaging my life further. I fear everything, yet come across as one of the most confident men. I want truth, love and substance in my life. To be able to truly accept that I can be loved by myself and others would truly be the greatest addition to my life and in order to save me from myself I have to make it happen. When I draw a picture, one of my friends will flat out says that its ugly, weird, or stupid. I hated him and attacked him verbally, but was not sent to any office nor did I get in trouble. Ive been having these questions lately when I cant do something like, why am I even bothering. I guess the reasons these people are still my friends is cause when I was younger nobody wanted to be friends with me. I have moved around the country and all but one of the places I found people that wanted to be my friend. I never wanted to lose them because, this was my only shot at friendship, nobody else rarely bothered with me. Now for some reason I always see a little troll with elf ears when I look in the mirror, and I cry more easily too. My parents are nice most if the time but one night, my Dad and I got into a huge argument. I started holding back tears while I was going to the bus stop and a girl asked me what was wrong and I said nothing. Heck, this is like a car crash on bad memory-lane :T. But my friend, Akasha, she had mental problems. She even sent me and email saying she wanted to kill me. That made me scared and for some reason, make me hate myself even more. But please answer me back and tell me how I should break-up with my friends. And at 27 I just realized that I hate myself. My parents divorced when I was 4 and my mother took me with her. My father was a drunk and stayed with his parents, they had a farm in the countryside and as a kid I always had great summers there. They both were hard workers, our country was poor. And till this day I have visited their grave just once. During their last years I visited them only to ask for money and never helped them with anything. I am a horrible person and just realized it… so many year later. I never open myself to other people, even family. I never told my grandparents that I love them but I do, I miss them so much and I hate myself for not looking after them. I usually chase stupid and unworthy things in life. I love sports and healthy lifestyle, good food, think those are the only positive things in my life, but stopped it after I broke with my last girlfriend half a year ago. And if you read this, excuse my bad english. Jason I do hate myself, the funny thing is, this article is based on negative talk that is untrue, all the negative self talk I say about myself is true. What if a person really is dumb, what if a person really is a loser. Kim I have been in a relationship for almost 4 yrs now, I have changed a lot of things in that time to accommodate him. Being who I am and how much he loves his mother we all moved in together to help raise his 2 nieces and nephew. I just recently quit my job to stay with them while his mother went back to work. They are all under 4 yrs and just want to act out all the time. I feel that I am losing my mind. They are beautiful kids one on one but get them together which is usually all the time and I have satan and his disciples. I have no right to tell anyone how to live their life or what strategies to adopt in order to improve your situation. I say this because for a long while I had goal, it was personal it was ambitiousit is everything that many if not all bright students aspire what should i do if i hate myself be but few make it all the way. Whatever your hopes dreams and wants. I admit, I have lost my family but……. Well,i suppose searching for hope is not that easy ,or probably useless. But still,i hope you guys would live a happy live. L My mother died by suicide when I was 15 months old and my dad soon remarried a woman he had just met, but who love bombed him and promised whatever…long story short she was mentally abusive in the extreme due to her hard life growing up. She neglected all of us and pursued her own agenda to the detriment to all of us. The key to my healing has been to look at all of it squarely in the eye. It is torture to see how I have pined away for her love my entire life; just wanting her to fulfill the unspoken promise of giving me love when I finally deserved it. I am 54 years old and still feel a deep well of unrequited love. She hated me to spend time with my father as she felt left out. She sent me to other homes to work on the weekend nights so I never was able to see my family much. Beaten, yanked and hated like you cannot believe; she got everyone to think I was a bad person. More than that, I wish she would just say she was sorry. Crissy I have been bullied most of the time, people would be talking behind my back as if I was blind but I actually know that they were talking behind my back. Every single time I go to school I would see some girls giggling when I what should i do if i hate myself near them. When I go to school I would hear people saying hi or hey to each other while im walking past everyone and as if I was invisible. It feels like im locking myself from happiness and not accepting the fact that theres many different people out there. Brad Reading some of these comments struck a chord in me. Ever since I was young, it was perfection or failure. Eventually I got a job moving several tons of metal consistently cart pushing at a very busy grocery store and she stopped. I feel alot of the same exact thing as in it. One of the most difficult things to understand for me were the self destructive feelings. A nagging voice in my head was there saying they want you to push farther, strain the relationship even more. At times I even would catch myself telling blatent lies for no other reason I can accept other than wanting to make people hate me. For some reason it seemed the only way to stop the constant uncertainty in my mind of whether or not I should take their words as truth. Sometimes I admit I was actually hoping I would be able to become my old self but it seemed death was my only resolve. I have always considered relationships as one of if not the most important aspects of my life. This was actually were the problem was originated at. I had let myself become so consumed with the question of peoples motives it drove my mind into circles and changed my thinking. Over time as I realized what people think about me is much much further down on the list than I ever realized and that everyone has their own problems in life I realized the main problem. They had been doing what they were supposed to the entire time and I was so backwards and selfish I took it and turned it into my own delusions and pschycosis. I made my worse fears become true and have no one but myself to blaim. I experience myself as very likeable, actually. If everyone in the world was like me it would be no problem. I am 25 and I think everything started going downhill upon starting the University, drinking and smoking like no tomorrow: 5 years with the wrong friends, good-hearted people but at the same time uncultured dumbasses proud of their alcoholism and self-annihilating lifestyle. I was the best one in the primary school, the best one in the secondary school, so and so at the high school where I crashed my psyche on cannabis and an average one in the uni. I managed not to become a drug addict but I have had problems with drinking behaviour, my body is weak and shows signs of premature decay and most-of-it-all I feel totally out of place. It seems so impossible for me to stop smoking more than few days, to exercise, to not to drink, to burn bridges with the bad influencers and so on. I am thinking of moving to another cirty to start from scratch. Jes Hi, I recently came across your article and it answered a few of the questions of why I hate myself so much. As a kid I was raised by my single mom who honestly I think as an adult now has narcissistic tendencies. I was always told as a kid I was nothing and I will always be nothing. I was verbally and physically abuse as a child by my mom who eventually kicked me out at 17 because I was competition in her eyes when it came down to her new husband. When I lived on my own I dealt with sever depression for many years I finished college and had 2 children as someone who succeeded in things she never thought she would I still hate myself so much. After years of therapy I thought it would get better and it has when it comes to depression but anger and self hate has become my handicap and I really find it hard to move on from it. I do make sure that my kids never hear such negative things from their mom. But I still feel like that little girl inside me has not healed at all. Just at this point I am so lonely … I wrack my brain trying to figure out why I feel so inadequate. Maybe because every boy I liked in elementary school not only rejected me but made fun of me for it. Maybe because my older brothers made me feel like crap all the time. I was easy when I was a teenager, though. I have always been a fat loser. Like all children at a young age they blame themselfes. I lost control of my self and never ever made friends, talked to anyone, or even wave to someone. I sat there as a lonley person blaming the world. Recently a girl forced me to talk to her and even look at her. As soon as she did these i fell in love. I thought dating her my dad would stop calling me gay but it only got worst. He started calling her a slut, and a guy and the reason why I loved her was because I am gay…. My girlfriend had a ex bf kiss her to get back at me for being to good at basketball. So I broke up with her trying to get away from what happened but all I saw was her so I went back. My dad on the other hand yelled at me, he told me over his phone if he saw me kiss her he would kill me, but I knew that was a lie. And now his girlfriend thinks she can talk to me the same way. I am now 16 and my life is shitty. I have bad grades because I get yelled at at home all night and have no time to do it. And all I do for others is make there life worse. Since i felt like i should do a sport to impress everyone, I tried out for volleyball. This has gotten me really down this summer and my heart feels heavy constantly. Jarten Hey Kelsey, ahead of time I want to apologize for the length of my response. I kinda tend to go a bit overboard with details and some thoughts, feel free to skip to the last part and bits if you want to in some ways I think I know somewhat of how you feel. Like you I am also pretty anti-social, in fact going by your description I am possibly most likely even more so. There was warm up training exercises, then running non stop from 30 minutes to an hour. I was the new person, and everyone else seemed to know each other. I ended up quitting after the season was over. What if I had stayed, what if I actually tried talking to the people in my team, what if things had been different. I have had multiple times when things like this had came up for me, I went to college and had pretty much the same thing happen for 6 years and afterwards at work. There are so many choices that we can make, its literally a giant tree of intersecting and multi-directional paths. I actually kinda like having energetic people around because they sometimes have very strange and interesting conversations with everyone else that are fun to listen to or be a part of. Okay, so now about with what has been going on what should i do if i hate myself your friends. Have you tried talking to them about it. True friends will stick up for each other and support each other no matter what is going on. Im 15 years old and on the outside Im normal. I have a brother a mom a dad… what else could I ask for. Well… it all started when my parents got divorced. I had always thought mama loves daddy and daddy loves her. When I was little and my brother was born fights between them became more occurent. They would scream at each other and throw their hands in the air. Lucky for me, my dad wasnt abusive so I never had to deal with that, but he was an alcoholic. I didnt know it at the time though. I moved multiple times 8 to be exact for my whole life. I was talkative and really really social. But it seemed the more I moved the more that bubbliness went away. When I was about 10 or 9 I realized my dad was a bad alcoholic. He was too young to even understand. My mom was good at protecting us from things that would make us not so innocent tweens. Anyways, my dad married this woman. She hated everything me and my brother did, especially me, even though she made it seem as if I was her favorite. She thought she could buy me with money. I look back and I would have hated her. I would have ran away or something, but… I was just 10. My dad got into the habit of getting drunk so much my mom had to call off his every other weekends with us. He lost that privilege for a few months. My brother was still looking at my dad as a hero. When he was drunk he would clutch me by the arms and cry asking if I loved him. I woul nod over and over scared what would happen if I said no. Then after he seemed to believe me he would lay in bed with me. I would smell the alcohol on him and his breath. My step mom tried to keep him under control, but she just made things worse. After my dad was able to get us back my mom started getting more into dating. All of her bfs didnt care about me or my brother. They would cheat on my mom or lose interest in her. At school I was being bullied for a lot of things like the way I looked and a bunch of other hateful things…. Well my dad divorced my step mom and things seemed ok… then my mom met this one guy. One guy who didnt do anything wrong to her, until they got married. He seemed fine when they were dating. He seemed chill and pretty cool. His kids were annoying and spoiled. When they got married we moved from the one place I actually called home. I was in such a depressed state. I sobbed myself to sleep every night and often hated my life. Everyone was snobs and so full of themselves. I only made one friend when I went there for a whole school year. This was the school year that everything in me broke. I had learned that if you stay in your shell you dont get hurt. He cussed my mom out and flipped her off a lot in front of me and my brother and his kids. He didnt care about me or my brother. He hardly paid any attention to us. At Christmas that year he left. We were relieved that he was gone, but then our power quit working and my mom forgot to change the power bill to her name. We had to stay with a friend all Christmas break until my mom got things settled. It was the worse Christmas of my life. Then that summer we moved in my with my dad and his grandmother. Then he started drinking again. He had gotten better at refusing to drink until we moved in with him. He often threatened to kill himself and he broke things. We moved back in with her friend until the school year started. We had finally found a place to call our own. My neighbors were nice and the school was so much better. Then I started liking this one guy…. I was so… happy someone actually cared. We went on and off dating for 2 years. I thought I loved him… but I didnt. That 2nd year was my last straw. He wanted to do something for me. A week, 2 weeks, then a month went by and it seemed as though he hardly texted me. I was obsessed with the fact that he was bending over backwards to do something nice for me. Then… my friend tells me he asked for nudes. And then I made the conclusion live didnt exist. She was always at work and she just seemed always gone. Then… things got switched up about 4 months ago. I fell in love with one of my neighbors. He liked me from the moment I moved here. The history is difficult and I dont feel like explaining it, though it makes for an awesome love story Anyways, he was the only good thing about my life and still is. My past life was full of men who cheated my mom and I out and. I felt like as if as long as I stayed in my shell Id be ok. But then he broke it, and Im so happy he did Then my mom came home with a man 2 months ago. He gave off an awful vibe… still does. I told my mom my feelings about him and she just brushed me away. Thats how I know she doesnt care about me. They are still obnoxiously together and I hate it. He is way too nice and he gives my bf glares that Im not sure why. He calls me sweetheart and baby in texts. On top of that, my brother is a jerk. He Billie me every day calling me ugly and telling me how stupid I am. He is good with verbal abuse, me. Im ok at physical abuse with him. But Im easily wounded when he says hurtful things. Mostly from any kind of male figure. Not too long ago I took a very accurate quiz. It was very specific and Im pretty sure I have cylothymia. Its a mild type of bipolar depression. I havent told anyone but my bf and my bff. My bf doesnt want to see me hurt, so Im scared to talk to him about it. Im not sure who to talk to and honestly, Idc. Sadness seems as if its normal in my life. And plus, my mood swings arent all that bad. My depression goes away at tops a week. The minimum is a couple of hours. I dont think its worth talking about to my parents. But some days I put on a fake smile just to please people. I just needed to get all of it off of my chest. Thank goodness for the comment section Belle Dear Mick, I felt that I really needed to reply you,You posted it on my birthday lol btw, almost none of my friends texted me or anything like it, but I did when was their birthday. My background story is kinda different, but I know exactly how it is to put a fake smile to please ppl. I grew up in what is now called an abusive household and, at the same time, was bullied in school. I am now 31, married to a wonderful man, whom I love and loves me back, but I struggle with low self esteem every day. I suffer from a chronic illness that has left me unable to work so my husband has to pay for everything. I do as much around the house as I can but it rarely feels like enough. I know on a rational level this voice is wrong but it is the one my heart and emotions respond to. The upshot, of course, is that it affects my husband. Something has to change and I know that. Ok my names gary im 337yrs old and struggle to make it through every single day. Im totally rubbish with my young kiddies my parental skills are non exisant which hurts deep inside I think my partner deserves a medal for putting up with me. I have no idea why I am like this. As a child I was shown love by being punched, kicked and beaten daily by my mother brother and whateverman she was with at the time, Iive had belts wood metal spoons slippers u name it I will of been beaten with it then at the age of 11yrs was hung out of a top story window by my throat and the guy made out like he was going to drop me. She threw me out after that was about a month before I was due to sit my gcses at school. I moved into a guest house with all the down n outs, heroin addicts, thieves u name it it was thrre until my gran found out n made me move in with her n ma grandad. My mam continued to make life hell causing rows etc telling me I was a disgrace should of been aborted blah blah blah. I went out and joined the army the next day for the next few years all was gud I was around people who were just like I was trained machines. Everything was always a laugh, I did tours of northern Ireland kosovo and one of thr first ops out in Afghanistan, I wont lie I witnessed sum horrendous shit that still haunts me now. Any jow I got medically retired for breaking my back in 2001 and that was it bye bye army hello civvy street. Shock to the system is an understatement so I startrd drinking to try switch off in 2004 I got dun for drink driving so went home took every kind of pills I coulf find more drink n slit my wrists. Got through that only to find my wife had been cheating on me so again got arrested for domestic violence and a possible gbh charge ended up as a cautiin split with the wife sold the house. Well I have been with my long suffering partner for almost ten years we have 2 lovely children that I cant bond with ive been diagnosed with ptsd and an anti social personality disorder I just want to be able to enjoy my partner and family I just dont know how to. Am not looking for sympathy etc just a way to become normal because to be honest I dont enjoy anything anymore n I know its not fair on my family as they deserve better than me. Furry Fan I want to be abe to come out in fron of people, but most of the time when I try to do anything, something starts fighting me and changes what I do when my thought tries to leave my brain. I feel so sad and I keep on skipping class or not to attend class for a week or two. I complain of sickness like migraine, dysmennorrhea or painful stomach to avoid class. Because of that, i struggled so much that I just wanted to die or disappear in the world completely. Then, after a year, I gained confidence by encouragements of my parents. Then, 2 weeks ago, that was Sept. I went to the cardiologist complaining a persistent chest pain, difficulty of breathing and lightheaded. After a few days, I went for a 2d Echo and was found that What should i do if i hate myself have a mild Mitral Valve Prolapse and enlargement of the Left Atrium. I am so worried and was again, carried away. Last week, i was absent again for a week because of my chest pain and tightness that I felt like it is already my end and now, i am so ashamed to go back to school. They mostly yell at each other, not really at my elder sister or me. I mean, my older sister actually acts responsibly and gets her homework done, so I get why they yell at her less. Even with all her homework, she still has time to pursue her own art, sell her works, and hang out with her friends constantly. She actually has friends that invite her to places. She works hard, she deserves those good grades and good friends and boyfriend. I like to dance and tell jokes. Michael Siegler I am Michael Siegler. I have suffered depression since I was 12. Mostly because I was critisized by my sister a lot. One of these results was a bit humiliating. Imagine if someone happened got this as a result. I was also made fun of by a few people. I have three older brothers and three little sisters the sisters are where alexia started the oldest are the twins who are only five months older then my other brother who was my moms twins are my dads my parents got together when they where three and got married when they where four. They all shared a room with two bunk beds. I was born when the boys where five years old and they where very protective of me. Thats when my parents started to what should i do if i hate myself. At this point i time i had 2 of my little sisters Sophidia Grace and Andre Renée. I had just started first grade and Sophie was in kinder garden. When everyone but mom dad and i where asleep they thought i was but i have insomnia i heard them fighting and went to look. Mom was crying and he was getting mad. The next day she filed a divorce. The next week we where moving. The next month we where crying for dad. When i was 9 i got the news i was going to have another sister whom was from a new girl my dad was seeing. I was back with my mom when i was 10 and i had cuts all over my legs and wore only jeans and hoodies. I didnt talk much again until i was 11 or 12 and im almost 14 now. Im here with my councilor and he says it will. But had a loud laugh and a love for life…. Scolded and grounded for weeks on end for silly things… 5 mins late on curfew…eventho the bus was late by 5 mins. No friend not social interaction. Constantly told, I am a Girl… therefore… this and this… no desk to study on… brother ok definitely had one… no quiet in the home when exam time was happening. He will punish him… Just say you fell…. Before it gets the best of me……Greatly appreciated. I am 20 year old girl and since my 11th standard i have been constantly put down by my friends. Specially one girl who was a bitch. I lost my bestie for her as she became friends with her and then my bestie became against me too and started hating me. I dont know why I let her do all that and not say anything. I also fell in love with a guy whom what should i do if i hate myself knew for 6 years but he too made me feel down and my Mom also didnt like him. So we broke up which really hurt me. I thought of consulting a doctor but my Mom dint want me to. Prior to that I was a very talkative and cheerful child. I had many friends and never felt that I am weaker than them. But later on I started performing poorer in my academics. And therfore nobody liked me and avoided me and I was ignored always. My negetive is that I am too slow. I prefer doing things perfectly which did not work for the exams. I do study but can never compleate my paper. Now I become tensed very easily although I do not to show it and cannot do even what I believed I can. Now I study in college for my degree course. I cannot compleate my papers although I know all the answers. So my friends also think that I am a poor student who does not study and therefore I am ignored. My Mom helps me a lot in every step and she loves me very much and I always feel like I cannot give a return to her efforts or may be even in future I cannot make her happy. My grandmom is mentally ill and she behaves very rudely with me. I think this is the problem with me I hate myself. Although I believe I am not worthless. I love singing and wanted to be a singer but according to my family the system is so partial that they would not allow me to become what i want to be. I have tried many ways to make myself happy or forget about my past relationships but its of no use. A sense of fear grows upon me when I talk to people sometimes because I am afraid I will mess it up. But in general I am cheerful and I love to be with people who dont think i am worthless. Eva Sayantani, I have never related to someone so much. I also have a passion for music, and want to be a singer when I grow up. Not even the people closest to me, or my family. Keep your passion for music, find more musical artists who you love and inspire you. Listen to them as much as you can. Put all your faith in yourself and what you believe in. To a lesser extent it follows me around like its my sincere friend and hounding me with critical thoughts of myself and others. Its been with me like its my friend for a long time, but its inherently insidious and nasty. Its only a matter of time before we become more effective in the cures. I got anxiety problems and panic attacks, and when I was out of control I sometimes hurted myself. Always lived in fear and despair. The sense of being an intruder made me to seek isolation. Demmi I am currently feeling this way. I have a problem with letting my emotions take over and it get so intense, I then start having negative thoughts and I just end up in this sad and lonely place, feeling isolated, weak and worthless. Please if anyone here can help me i would appreciate it. Eva Bill I can relate I just started 8th grade. Not even the people who are closest to me. I always find flaws in everything I do, and when I fix it, I find another one. This never ends, so I stress over everything I do. But I kept my passion for music, and found musical artists who inspire me. I also found new friends who I enjoy talking with, who make me laugh until I cry. When people would normally try to make you laugh or smile, try to make yourself laugh or smile, and when you do that, try to feel the emotions you would normally feel. Also, figure out what your passions are. When you do, do those things often. For me, it helps to take my mind off things, to forget all the bad things. However, the depression comes back sometimes. And when that happens, I wait a couple days for some of the depression to drain out, and then I take the people and passions I surround myself with and wrap them tighter around me. Sterling At the time of composing this message, I am 23 years old and I will what should i do if i hate myself 24 this year. I eventually came to the conclusion in my mind that all human beings were worthless and horrible and so I had adopted a rigid view of myself and the world in general. Feeling lonely and without companionship, I turned to the fascinating and wonderful adventures found in works of fiction. I read daily, always carrying some book in my hand. And over the years as my intelligence increased, so did my negative outlooks and actions. It became so bad that I actually developed mental personas I would assume to guise my anguish. Because who would care about how I felt. I thought that if I tell someone what it was I was feeling it would only serve to antagonize them. So for years and years I internalized all my emotions. I recently broke up with my girlfriend, and that pain led me to seriously revisit myself. Everything I endeavor in fails, and I start to question the very meaning of my existence. Almost everything I do leads to this. It probably started when I did badly on my midterm. I guess I lost my sense of self. To think that I even harbour this dream to make it to PhD and conduct my research after that. After that midterm, I think things just went downhill from there. This lack of self-confidence is really eating away into how I present myself and my thoughts. I always find something to criticize about. I fondly think about everything they have done for me and wish to do the same for them in their elderly years. Nothing out of the ordinary school conflict. I went to university and got a degree in economics and I have a good paying job with little stress and get 4 weeks paid vacation every year. I have a loving girlfriend who lives with me and is there to support me every step of the way and I love her dearly.

Damn, this resonates so strongly, which to be honest, is scary. I feel that I have to do do what everyone else is doing to fit in. Because it is your status now only. I have had multiple times when things like this had came up for me, I went to college and had pretty much the same thing happen for 6 years and afterwards at work. You are the victim of abuse by your husband and sounds like your father daddy also. Being on your own is what you make it.